MY WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY. Where did that come from? So many of us harbor it. So many of us are so determined to be right, that we will cast dispersions, burn bridges and look like a damn fool just to achieve this illusive rightness.
Does it develop in childhood? Most likely so. Most likely an overbearing parent or teacher bullied us so much with their rightness that when we achieved adulthood, we decided in our sub-conscious that we would push our rightness no matter what the cost.
How many arguments have been had? How many relationships shattered for the sake of being right? The truth of the matter is… if any one person were completely right about everything, then there would be no need for the other 6, 999, 999, 999 of us. That one right person would be right and very much alone on this planet.
What I discovered a while ago is when you open up your fist and relinquish that deep seeded need to be right, your soul opens up along with it. You understand that you are imperfect and fallible; and that it’s really okay. You relinquish stress, anger, pain; your relationships with others develop easily, because people aren’t put off by dealing with your bullshit; that undying need to be right has perished and finally the real you, the you inside, the you that was stunted by that bullying teacher or parent can finally take its first breath and live.
When you relinquish your need for rightness, people aren’t subjects, they are people; situations aren’t battles, they are just situations. Things flow better, breathes come easier. And more to the point, when you are truly right about something, you don’t feel a need to brow beat someone with it. Sometimes an acknowledgement isn’t even necessary because being right, no longer feeds your soul.
Then what will feed your soul, you ask? I’m glad that you did. I’ll tell you.
When you shed tears of deep sorrow and pain, because of a broken heart; when finally, you say all the words to convey all the hurt and dismay that you’ve been harboring for years; and despite your outpouring, all you receive is an assault by someone’s rightness; when that happens the only word to identify it is despair.
Being encircled by the arms of the love of your life, can ease the pain, or make the outpouring come faster, stronger; they know your hurt and willingly share it with you. And as you weep, like the child who was first assaulted by rightness so long ago, the small hand of your six year old daughter gently touches your face, as she asks you not to cry. And as you take her in your arms, and listen to her convey to you all the reasons why everything will be okay; speaking in her childish voice, using all the limited vocabulary at her disposal; when your daughter express to you the ability to empathize, sympathize and show compassion; and to know that she got that from her parents; from your life partner; from you…. Then your soul is fed. Your life is full, because you have not passed on pain, bullying or rightness to the next generation. You have passed on humanity.